Life · New · Thoughts · Writing

Tidal Wave

Ever felt overwhelmed?

I’m burned out. That’s as simple as it gets. The last month has been a wreck; two busy jobs, trying to have a personal life, working on my book, painting my doll -thankfully that’s done- and drive time…total wreck. I’m no where near my word count goal, feel like an uneducated dumbass when it comes to one of my jobs and am trying to find the bright side in my current mental status.

Good luck me, love me.

Honestly, I have never felt like I’ve needed more of a vacation -and here I am considering a third job to start saving up for an apartment!- and I have no real day off in sight. I mean, next Sunday might be a day off, but I’m sure it’ll get filled up just as quick as all the other days I’m supposed to have off. I’ve gotten fairly used to six to seven-day work weeks, but that doesn’t mean I don’t get burned out. My two-day Christmas off days were nice, but I was still under a small amount of casual stress and didn’t have any time to just sit and do my own thing.

I know this is really just me bitching into the internet, and I usually try not to shine a negative light, but it’s been really hard to keep my chin up lately. On top of that, I have been ultra sensitive lately to sound and conversations in general -being stuck in a room of people who wont shut up really sucks, even if I’m being paid for it.

I really want the new year to be a good one, and I have a feeling it will be, but I can’t wait for 2017 to end. Get the ick of this year off and put on the clean, new suit of 2018. And with any luck I’ll be able to get all the things I want to get done…done. Being better with my finances, getting fit, getting an apartment, finishing my fucking novel -even starting a second one? God, what am I? A sadist. That’s what I am- things like that. I’m very much out of balance and I hate it. And one never notices how they get out of balance, but when they do notice…it’s fucking everywhere. In everything. Like a tiny, punk, brat in a toy store, touching everything and ruining the order of how everything is sorted. My life has been ransacked without me knowing, and now I have to collect the pieces.

The only bright side to this? I like one of my jobs, I will be cooking my own meals and eating healthy as of next week and will have more time to type tomorrow -a good couple hours, at least. Not to mention the fact that I still have my bestie to keep me sane, and pull my puddle of a self off the floor when it’s time to go to bed. And Mike’s Hard Mango Lemonade…bought a six-pack of that for the weekend to relax to. Going to need it. Oh, and Ibuprofen, lots of that…I generally try to not take pills for pains, but menstruation and stress-headaches have been plaguing me as of late -gee, I wonder why?

So, yeah, going to relax tonight and try to not think about work or anything of too much importance. Wish me luck! I’m hoping you all had a lovely holiday, and have a great new year! Don’t let my pessimism get you down, I just had to rant and get all of that off my chest. The world is still a wonderful place, but today my corner is covered in storm clouds…tomorrow should be better.

~H&A

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